Reason
by BishounenStalker1
Summary: ~Warning Yaoi~ Kaworu and Shinji spend the night at Kaworu’s apartment. Kaworu is trying to find a reason for the world to go on existing, and not have 2nd impact. There is a reason and you will find out ^_^


Sadly Kaworu, Shinji and any other Eva related stuff in this fic is not mine, belongs to Gainax.   
  
~WARNING~  
  
This contains, yaoi (gay) sex so please, if you don't like this stuff don't read it to flame me! If you hate this stuff, please leave now! I gave you warning!  
  
I tried as best I could to keep to the character's original forms but Kaworu is a bit out of character, sorry I tried! I have never seen gay sex or sex in general before, this is based on all the fanfics I've read. So If something doesn't seem right, please forgive me, just say it and I'll change it.  
  
This was typed by me, a 13 year old girl and this is also my first fic to ever write. So that's why it's not as good, so when reviewing please keep that in mind! This is my favorite couple and I may write more about them if I get good reviews. ( I don't count flames)  
  
Oh, one note as I can remember Kaworu couldn't choose in the series to save humanity or not, he wanted to merge with Adam more then anything, killing everyone to do so. Umm think that's what was going on (Eva's to confusing for me) Well that's not true in this fic! And any other physiological Eva stuff is not in this fic. And these: ( ) are thoughts  
  
Sorry for the long introduction! On with the fic!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Sorry for the small room, it was the best Nerv could get me at such short notice" Kaworu said as he shut the door behind him. "It's okay, I don't mind" Shinji replied setting his backpack by Kaworu's bed. Guess we should go to bed now, we have to get up early for more tests "Shinji said. "Yes I think we should" Kaworu replied.  
  
"I'll sleep on the floor" Shinji stated as he pulled a night shirt over him. "Are you sure you want to sleep on the floor?" Kaworu questioned as he took some blankets from the cupboard. " I'll be alright, it's not like I'm going to die Shinji smiled. Kaworu softly laughed saying "I guess not" Shinji laughed, but then his laughs became like a cough attack.  
  
Threw out the day Kaworu had noticed Shinji seamed vary pale and weak. When he asked, Shinji said it was nothing. Kaworu was beginning to think otherwise. Just before they went out of Nerv Shinji almost passed out. He then thought Shinji had one hell of a cold. Kaworu got worried and asked him to spend the night so that he could watch over him. ~Note~ (Awww Kaworu is so nice! ^_^ )  
  
"You okay?" Kaworu asked as he got over the cough. "Yes I'll be fine, it's probably because of all the tests I've been having. You never know what's in that LCL."   
  
After dressing, they went right to bed without a word. Kaworu wanted to question if this had something to do with Toji but that only would upset him more. (Maybe all this stuff that has been happening to him, Koji being killed, almost having to kill Toji, Asuka being.. well Asuka, finding out Rei was a clone, that's not counting his father, was to much for him.) How did he know all this? He talked with Misato, she told him everything, hoping, somehow that he could help. He wanted to talk to Shinji more, he hardly ever interacted with humans before.   
  
He felt like an outsider. To be in his position, he felt like a rag doll being played with, then tossed on the floor without a second thought. Being used then after the jobs done or more precisely after there done "playing with him" he will be tossed, probably be sent to a room full of humans with white suits and all sorts of things to poke him with. But now, he had a second thought on his mission.   
  
(Why kill Lilims? They have such kind, tender hearts. Why kill them and make them float in LCL forever? Let them pretend fantasies that aren't real.) Then it finely struck Kaworu head-on, if he could find a reason for these humans to live, then he didn't have to kill them. These humans exist for a reason, everything has a purpose. Somewhere in all human hearts there is a reason for living. There has to be. All he needs is a reason for living. And the only way to find that reason is to interact with humans, or more specifically, Shinji.   
  
To do that Shinji, must be awake ^_^  
  
"Are you awake?" Kaworu whispered  
  
There was a moments silence then there was a faint but recognizable voice, "Now I am"  
  
Kaworu sat up slowly, his red orbs set on the chocolate haired boy. Even though he could hardly see him, he was there.  
  
"Can we talk Shin-chan?"   
  
"Um okay what about" Shinji turned bright red. He had only met him one day and Kaworu was talking to Shinji like he knew him for years. Not that, that offended him, but he had never gotten this close to anyone before, even his mom. It made Shinji confident in himself, he was strong when he's with Kaworu, but that's what Shinji wonders most about. (Why is that?)  
  
"About life Kaworu said plainly" It was a way to start to get his answer. Silence filed the room, which Shinji broke. "I hate life."  
  
"Why?" Kaworu was vary surprised at this, (Do they hate living?)  
  
"Life is so miserable, we do so many bad things....K...Kaworu I ..I almost killed someone.." Shinji felt tears starting to form.  
  
Kaworu shuddered, (Dammit! I made him think of Toji!)  
  
Shinji sat up and stared at Kaworu in the most series stare in his eyes.   
  
"I'm so stupid! Toji almost died because of me! My father hates me. My mom is too dead to care! I should have never been born he yelled. I hate these! I can't take it anymore! I can't do nothing ri..."  
  
Kaworu saw in horror as Shinji slumped down on the floor. He turned Shinji around to see that he had fainted. Sadness crossed Kaworu's face. (Has he always thought like these? Do all humans think like this?) He lifted him and softly laid him on his bed. Shinji didn't wake up which made Kaworu worry even more.   
  
But to his relief as he checked for pulse, he was still alive, only sleeping. Everything seamed okay with him for now. About a half an hour later his temp started rising and he began to sweat in his sleep. "Shin-chan...I'm so sorry...that humans have to go threw so much pain" Kaworu whispered as he softly cradled his sleeping tear-streaked face.  
  
(I should kill them...let them escape pain.)  
  
Soon, Shinji was sweating and whimpering in his sleep. It got to the point to where Kaworu couldn't take it anymore. Softly, Kaworu lifted his clothes of. He took the rest of his clothes of. Even though you couldn't see it threw his clothes, there was muscle there. Shinji looked like a ripe strawberry, ready to eat. (Are all Lilims these way?!) He gently touched his soft, creamy white belly, enjoying the moment. His hand ran slowly down to his bellybutton, then he got an up close look at Shinji's manhood which to Kaworu, seemed vary interesting.  
  
(Human body's are so interesting, every part has a purpose!)  
  
He looked upward at Shinji's nipples. Then, just stared at Shinji's face. He loved his face, the way it shines whenever he smiles, just that sparkle in his eyes when he's happy makes Kaworu have this overwhelming feeling locked in his gut. (What is this feeling? Is this normal?)   
  
(I..I want to touch him. Why am I thinking like this?!) Kaworu continued to torture himself with these questions as he left to get some ice for Shinji's fever. When he returned he saw Shinji's eyes staring, straight-faced at him. He had woken up.   
  
"You're awake, thank heavens, I was so worried" Kaworu said as he wrapped some ice on a cloth and gave it to Shinji. Shinji was vary silent, of coarse he always was but there   
  
was this dreaded silence that dared to pull Kaworu apart. "Are you ok?" He looked into those poor, lost eyes searching for the explanation to his question. "I'm fine..."Shinji almost sobbed as he lowered his head downwards like in shame, dropping the bundle of ice. It was then that Shinji realized at he had absolutely NO clothes on.   
  
Staring at his body parts, Shinji quickly grabbed a nearby blanket. "It's ok Shinji, we all have the same thing here, know need to be embarrassed " Kaworu said, letting himself sit next to him. Kaworu saw how dreaded he looked, saw how lost he is. (He needs to be talked to, held, hugged anything...) Kaworu again felt that knot in his stomach return.   
  
(Why am a feeling like this?)   
  
Shinji looked up to gaze at Kaworu, then with a lot of hesitation said, "But you know why I hate life?"   
  
"Why?" Kaworu looked up from his mind to stare directly into his eyes, pleading for that answer. "Because I am not loved" Kaworu stared wide eyed at Shinji   
  
(Love?)  
  
I have never been loved, I always wanted love. S..someone to look up to. To make my heart jump out of it's chest, to feel that knot well up and have it burst again...I have never felt that... Shinji said nothing more, only looked down at the soft mattress.   
  
(Was this what love was?)  
  
"If I was loved, I would cherish living in this world." Shinji added.   
  
Kaworu almost jumped with the over whelming joy inside him.   
  
(Loved! That's what this is! Love! Love is one reason for living! Love makes life cherish able! This "Love" is what I am feeling. That knot in my gut, it's love!) Kaworu looked at his still gloomy eyes, then without a second thought he lowered his head, and kissed him. Not rough, never rough, a soft almost-not-touching kiss. Shinji shuddered, but after a moment a leaned his full weight on top of kaworu.  
  
"You are loved Shinji, I love you." Kaworu whispered in his ear. "K....K..Kaworu..I.."and with that Shinji burst into tears. Kaworu cradled him, sheltering him in his arms. Softly he rocked back and forth, soothing Shinji. Eventually Shinji stopped, only leaning on top of Kaworu's body. I will protect you Kaworu said as he leaned in for a kiss on his forehead.  
  
"Kaworu I..." Shhh, Kaworu softly hushed and leaned into another kiss, wanting to kiss all his fears away. (I want no fear from you Shinji, I am here and I will protect you. As long as I survive.) Shinji leaned into it, letting his arms lay softly on his back.  
  
(I love this feeling, of being cradled and....loved. Please don't stop Kaworu.)  
  
Hmm...Shinji sighed.   
  
"Do you like these Shinji?"  
  
"Yes" Shinji replied softly. (Yes, I love every bit of it Kaworu. I love every bit of you, your soft body, your touch, your glimmering red eyes. I love you Kaworu!)  
  
"Hmm..Kaworu I love you."  
  
(This feels wonderful Kaworu. Please...Kaworu touch me more. I want to be touched...)  
  
Kaworu rubbed his hands down his back then rubbed his chest. He stopped there, seeing those erect nipples. Hesitantly he licked the top of one and tweaked the other.  
  
"Ahh..Kaworu!!!" Shinji almost screamed, thrusting his chest upward.  
  
Kaworu stepped back momentarily to discard his clothes. Shinji stared in fascination at his naked form. Kaworu grinned, then, went back to kissing him. He harshly grinding there pelvises together, making Shinji moan.   
  
He ventured lower, kissing Shinji's neck, he did a lot of exploring until he rubbed his hand on the inside of Shinji's thigh. Shinji was on the verge of insanity, he wanted him to touch him now, he can't stand the teasing.   
  
Shinji moaned again, "Please Kaworu!"   
  
"What love" Kaworu said smiling teasingly. Shinji blushed (Why is he making me say it? He just wants to here me say it.) Shinji spoke, "touch me here" he guided Kaworu's hand and placed it on his erection.   
  
"Please Kaworu, Make Love to me?""  
  
As soon as he said that Kaworu firmly gripped his erection, sending Shinji in a series of moans. More Shinji screamed thrusting back at his hand. Shinji hissed with pleasure when Kaworu thrusts became faster. Shinji wined when he abandon him.  
  
Kaworu laid him down and spread Shinji's legs out wide. Kaworu didn't want to hurt him, but what could he use? He stopped for a second, if he could numb his entrance, he wouldn't feel the pain. Quickly, he grabbed a handful of ice, took one and rubbed it down Shinji's belly in a zigzag. Shinji gasp at the new sensation. Then, Kaworu led it fully into his entrance. Shinji immediately screamed and tried squirming away but Kaworu's strong arms held him down.  
  
"It's okay, I'm preparing, you don't want it to hurt do you?"  
  
"But...with ice?" Shinji questioned and winced as he felt shivers down his spine.  
  
"It will numb you, you wont feel a thing."  
  
Kaworu distracted him by grabbing his manhood again and thrusting it back and forth. "Ahhh!!! Oh god." Shinji thrust back in Kaworu's hand, loving every bit of it. Kaworu plunged a finger inside, stretching him as best he could. The ice did help, Shinji could hardly feel any pain. He stretched him for a few minutes, he wanted him to feel no pain in love.   
  
He pulled out and positioned himself right at his entrance.   
  
"Are you sure Shin-chan? You wont regret it?"  
  
"With all my heart Kaworu."  
  
Kaworu thrust in, and he could have swore he was seeing stars. Shinji was so tight, he was a virgin know doubt. He went as slow as a turtle. When he finely was full to the tilt he laid there, letting Shinji get used to this foreign feeling. Shinji wrapped his legs around Kaworu's back, trying to relax from the pain he had.   
  
Then Shinji encouraged him to go on, so Kaworu started a few awkward thrusts and soon fell into a slow rhythm. It was then that Kaworu noticed Shinji moaned vary loud. Kaworu smiled, he hit the spot. He positioned himself so every time he would hit that some spot, bringing Shinji to weather under him.  
  
Kaworu was surprised at how long Shinji held on, but soon Shinji couldn't take it and screamed Kaworu's name to the top of his voice with orgasm. Kaworu felt that tight hole squeeze him, hard making him orgasm right after Shinji. Shinji didn't let go as he squeezed his arms and legs titer around him. "Don't go" Shinji begged as he felt sleep almost come over him.  
  
"I wont, love" Kaworu said as he pulled put of him. He retrieved the blanked and both lay cuddled in each others arms.  
  
(There is a reason to live Shinji.)  
  
(I have found my reason.)  
  
(And I have found the worlds reason.)  
  
~OWARI~  
  
Thank you for reading my fic! Please review!  
  
One final note:  
  
I don't know how the hell I came up with the ice scene *_* 


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